lolalot (lolalot) wrote,

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just gotta write

I might feel totally different 3 days from now. It might just be a suit that may or may not fit. But as of this moment, I feel totally consumed with infatuation for Joe*. Sigh Yes, Joe. Joe Redd. Blond hottie who asked me to the dance. Even though we never went, I could see him in his eyes. And I don’t understand him a bit, that’s for sure. That’s why I love boys so much… An article told me not to just daydream, but to make sure the boy I like is who he is. I don’t know about that, but I just feel like we could understand each other if only we were both braver. If only I had the guts to freely make eye contact with him during the middle of Geometry class, to smile at him the way I so want to, to hug him and touch him. But first there is some work to be done. We must build trust before we get confused. Only then will I have him as my boyfriend, will I be comfortable enough to be myself all the time, to kiss him, to hug him, to wrestle with him, to lie with him, to have fun with him. That’s the part I dream about. Will it ever happen? That’s what I want to know. If I take it day-by-day, setting goals for myself, and it turns out we have some chemistry, maybe I could realize these fantasies sooner than I would ever expect. And if it doesn’t work out, it’s a only minor setback. After all, I have my whole life to find my true love, my soul mate. But I’ll never know what I want in a guy unless I start getting involved, figuring out what I don’t want and what I do like. Sigh Oh, Joe Redd, he might not be for me in the long run, but he might turn into something. I just need the help of JC to succeed!

*Code name!
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